New Fic: Be Prepared

[jackwabbit]

Be Prepared

Fandom: Schitt’s Creek
Rated: G
Category: Double Drabble. David/Patrick. Nearly All Dialogue. Humor. Banter. Patrick Being Patrick. David Being David.
Time Frame: Any post season three.
Spoilers: General series knowledge only.
Summary: Patrick is nothing if not prepared. But is he, really? Perhaps that is David, after all?
Note: Written for the random word prompt of “vehicle.”

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"David?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do we have so many chips?"

"Uh, because you bought them?"

"Yes, I bought them expecting you'd eat them."

"Why would I eat them?"

"We used to go through these like water."

"Well, we used to have the dip with the little peppers in it."

"What?"

"The one Ronnie's sister made."

"From the gift basket she gave us last Christmas?"

"Correct."

"That's been gone for months."

"Also correct. And yet, you keep buying chips."

"I thought you liked them!"

"I like Ronnie's sister's dip. The chips are just a vehicle for delivery of it."

"Guess that'll teach me to check the pantry before I shop."

"Indeed."

"David?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I give these chips to Roland or something?"

"No."

"Why not? You just said you won't eat them without the dip, and I won't eat them."

"You never know when we might get more dip."

"Babe, I don't think we can count on Ronnie's sister to make us dip on a regular basis."

"Probably not. But a certain someone, who is me, does have a birthday coming up."

"Really, David?"

"What?"

Patrick just sighed and finished putting the groceries away.

And the next day, he talked to Ronnie.