New Fic: Bearing the Brunt

[jackwabbit]

Bearing the Brunt

Fandom: Star Trek Discovery
Rated: G
Category: Culmets. RickyVerse. Angst. Angst with a Happy Ending.
Word Count: 796
Time Frame: Earlier on in the Culmets relationship.
Spoilers: General series knowledge only.
Summary: Sometimes you have to have the hard conversations. They’re necessary for growth. But they never feel great – especially when you’ve put them off for far too long.
Note: Another Ricky story, because now there’s a goal. Written for the random word prompt of “dive.” Also, dedicated to lemonpiefirefly, because I swear this was totally random, and written before our conversation today, but there's one line in here, that... well... yeah.

---

“You never told me about him.”

Hugh looked down. Then he swallowed, licked his lips, and looked to the side.

And when he took a deep breath in and then let it out, that’s when Paul’s eyes grew wide.

“Hugh?” he asked, a tremor in his voice.

Hugh looked up, swallowing again as he did so. When he saw Paul’s expression, concern took over his features.

“Babe?” he asked, taking Paul’s hands in his own. “You okay?”

“I could ask you the same,” said Paul, clearly avoiding the question.

Hugh sighed and squeezed Paul’s hands.

“I’m okay,” said Hugh. “It just took me by surprise.”

Paul nodded, sticking his tongue into his cheek.

“Me too.”

Hugh sighed. “Paul, I…”

Paul pulled his hands free and waved Hugh off. “It’s okay. I understand. I’m sure you had your reasons.”

He was speaking just a little too quickly, and he wasn’t looking at Hugh.

Hugh knew what that meant. Paul wasn’t okay, no matter what he said. Hugh took another deep breath, nodded just a little to himself, then reached out and gently turned Paul’s chin toward him. Then he dipped his head down to make eye contact with Paul.

“I want to tell you, if it’s alright.”

That look of fear Hugh knew all too well from Paul’s most insecure moments was all that answered him for a long moment. Then Paul shakily nodded before looking down again and leaning back away from Hugh.

The loss of closeness nearly made Hugh lose his nerve, but he soldiered on.

“Before I start, I just want to say that I love you, Paul. And I never meant to keep this from you. It just sort of happened that way. Okay?”

Paul nodded again. He looked less scared and more like the partner Hugh had come to know so much more completely in these recent months. The one who was so much more confident than when Hugh had first met him. The one who usually believed Hugh when he told him just how amazing he was. But Paul was still obviously anxious, and after a second, he started up with the rapid fire speech again.

“Yeah, I know. And it really is okay. You’re your own person. It’s okay to have secrets.”

“Thing is,” said Hugh quietly, “I don’t want to.”

His words stopped Paul in his tracks. He blinked at Hugh, and Hugh smiled before continuing.

“Not from you. I don’t want anything to ever come between us, just because you didn’t know about it.”

Paul returned Hugh’s smile, then nodded slightly yet again.

“Okay.”

Hugh looked confused. “Okay, what?”

Paul gestured at the PADD that had started all of this. It was still on and open to the schedule for the conference Hugh was planning to attend. The one that clearly showed Hugh’s heretofore unknown ex as a featured speaker.

“Okay, so tell me about him.”

Hugh cleared his throat and rubbed a hand along the back of his neck, rolling it as he did so. In so doing, he spied Ricky, almost fully hidden behind Paul’s head.

He snorted, then reached for the bear.

“Yeah, okay,” he said, turning to more fully face Paul and tucking Ricky into his lap.

He unconsciously squeezed his teddy bear, and then he started in.

This was so much more than Hugh’s questionable teenage fashion choices or his very lingering attachment to a childhood toy, but since Paul had taken both of those things in stride, Hugh was glad to have Ricky with him now as a physical reminder of his partner’s previous acceptance.

Because he was still worried. Paul wasn’t the only one who got scared.

And while it was true that he hadn’t intentionally avoided this topic with Paul, he wasn’t exactly keen to tell the tale, either. And having to tell Paul about this now? After an glance at a conference schedule had nearly sent him off the rails? After Paul had had to talk him off the ledge? After he’d had to admit the reason he no longer wanted to go to the conference he’d been looking forward to for months was an ex? No, not an ex, but the ex?

Yeah, Hugh was glad to have Ricky with him.

After all, if he was finally going to dive into the huge piece of his story that was Christopher – if he was finally going to tell Paul about the only other man he’d ever truly loved and the one who had broken his heart the hardest – he needed an old friend by his side.

---

Paul had been late to work that day, but they’d gotten through it.

And when the time came, Hugh went to his conference.

He took Ricky with him.

He also took Paul.